Thursday, July 3, 2014

When The World Seems To Fall Apart

My boyfriend left yesterday. I don't know if I'll see him for the weekend of our anniversary (four years on 8/3) or if it will have to wait for the semester end in December. Either way, I didn't want him to leave yesterday. So even though he was saying that he really needed to go, I sat with my back against the door in tears while eating my chicken biscuit, refusing to let him leave. I did move eventually and as he said good bye he reminded that "You're getting puppies in a couple days. You won't even miss me anymore."

So I spent yesterday cleaning the house, which is really hard when my younger sister just sits around watching TV and my older sister is...a total pain in the ass. She all into being healthy now so she's just taken over a portion of the fridge, freezer, and pantry and pushed everything else aside. My mom's about ready to take her head off. She has no clue how to clean anything or be clean or neat or anything. How is she older than me?

Regardless, I was apparently nesting because, though I hate cleaning, I freaking cleaned house on this place. It was great.

And then I woke up this morning to learn that the puppies we were going to pick up tomorrow are sick with Parvo. And the boy that I picked out died from it.

The others will hopefully be okay.

I can't even really think about Koda without crying, so I'm really breaking over this. I'm starting to feel that by the end of this year the rest of my life will have been decided. If I stay in college, if I'm getting a job, if I'll ever be healthy, if I'll ever be done with my illness, just really what kind of person I'm going to become.

And its frightening. But I'm ready for it.

So until then, I'll keep praying for healthy puppies.

~ Zephyr